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Co-parenting is seriously tough for parents and children!

 

If this is your challenge, try some of these tips we have put together for you!

– MUTAL RESPECT
Start with respect for each other, this just makes all the rest so much easier and lessens the tension you and the children have to live with. This is a very tall ask, especially when one of the parents feels hurt and betrayed, but for the sake of the children and a peaceful life going forward, this is essential. Put the past in the past and show each other respect and you will be teaching your children a very important life lesson in the process.

– BOUNDARIES
Boundaries are important in any child’s life. These should not change in a co-parenting situation. You and your ex have to set your own boundaries and agree on the boundaries that are set for the children. You need to agree on many issues. For example: When and how you
will introduce a new person in your lives, or what the children are permitted to watch on TV, bedtimes, technology time limits etc.

– SCHEDULES
Schedules don’t suit everyone, but like it or not they are very necessary in creating a peaceful co-parenting situation. It is a known fact that children are secure and comfortable with routine. Respect each other’s time and stick to the schedules. Make an effort to talk with one another first, before announcing any schedule changes to the children. Timeous communication about schedule changes is simply respectful and should not happen too often.

– BE FLEXIBLE
Yes, this sounds like a contradiction of the above, but life happens and unexpected things crop up constantly, so try to accommodate each other’s changes without arguments. Just remember next time could be your crisis. Even if you suspect that the same courtesy may not be returned to you, demonstrating the way you’d like things to be between you can be more effective in getting the fair treatment in the long run.

– BE AGREEABLE
Sounds ridiculous! You probably don’t agree on anything, that’s why you are divorced in the first place. No two parents are going to agree on each and every decision. However, co-parents who work together well for the sake of their children have reached a basic level of agreement on the most important things, for example: their children’s health, discipline, education and spiritual upbringing. If you are finding it difficult to come to agreements it is best to sit with a child psychologist or therapist and work out an agreement or plan that is fair to both parents.

– NO FIGHTING!
Don’t fight and argue in front of the children ever! Bite your tongue and agree on a time and place to talk. It is good for your children to see that you get along, this doesn’t mean that you necessarily agree on everything or always like one another, but you should make a concerted effort to show respect to each other in front of the children. You have to learn how to effectively communicate in ways that minimize conflict.

– MANIPULATION
Don’t even go there! Don’t try to manipulate each other and don’t allow the children to manipulate you. Most children are master manipulators and will divide and conquer if you give them half a chance. The rules (boundaries)
should be adhered to at all times. Do not engage in “But at Mommy’s house…” or “But at Daddy’s house…” arguments. Be clear about what you expect in your home.

– RECOGNISE EACH PARENT’S PURPOSE
Co-parents who share a healthy relationship are also well aware of how important they both are to their children. They’ve worked hard to get to the point where they can work well with each
other because they value their children’s opportunity to know and spend time with the other parent, and even though it’s hard sometimes, they wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Carol Strydom

083 229 3017
carol@momsnotes.co.za

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